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Lyme And Loss

02/05/2014

Do you have a dream that is close to your heart? A dream that you have had since you were little? A dream that you need to fulfil before you die? How would you feel if that was taken away from you? How would you feel if every hope and dream you ever had were now impossible? Welcome to my world.

My biggest dream for as long as I can remember has been to start a family. Even as a small child I would talk about having my own children. If there was anything I could do before I die, it would be to raise a family of my own. That dream is impossible now. It is one of many dreams that I have lost over the last 7 years.

When you first become sick, little things start getting taken away from you. You miss out on nights out with friends and you realise how hard it is to keep doing everything you’re doing, but you can keep going if you grit your teeth and fight through the illness that is taking over you body. I was in year 12 when I became ill. I missed a lot of social events, had to quit my job, my grades dropped and I eventually had to drop out of Chemistry because I wasn’t well enough to keep up with the workload. At the time it was hard for me, I had always been a high achiever with a huge amount of energy and the world at my feet. Despite the struggle, I managed to get into a double degree at university, and attempted to do that full time as well as a part time job. It wasn’t long before things started to slip. I had no energy to do anything else in my life. My newly legal-aged friends only wanted to go out clubbing and quickly decided that I wasn’t being a good friend if I wouldn’t go out with them. That was hard. Having people doubt your illness when you feel so sick inside is heartbreaking. Unfortunately, my health kept deteriorating and I had to quit my job. At this point my life revolved around university. I would wake up, go to uni, come home, sleep and do it all again. I had no social life, and certainly wasn’t out partying like my peers. All I wanted was to finish my degrees so that I could help people. I wanted to go overseas and combine the knowledge from my degrees to help both people in poverty and the environment. Every day, I would picture my dream and push myself to go to all my classes. Soon, that became too hard to do. Even with a lot of university aid, I still had to drop my course load and try to complete my studies in the slow and steady way. Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be the case. A year and a half ago, I deferred from uni indefinitely. I have only two subjects left to complete but my body has nothing left to give. The career I have dreamed about for so long is no longer possible. Every single day, I am fighting to survive, it is no way to live.

A good day for me now consists of being able to watch a tv show on the couch. A bad day, is indescribable. It feels as though you are fighting your body to survive. The fatigue is overwhelming, it makes even your pinky finger feel like it weighs a tonne. The pain ranges from sharps stings on your skin to the feeling of someone banging on your bones with a hammer. You end up being dehydrated from the profuse sweating and inability to drink without vomiting. The most simple tasks are made almost impossible by unpredictable body shakes and jerks. This all seems horrible but it’s not the worst part. The worst part is not having your mind any more. Occasionally you can see thoughts or memories, but it is like looking at them through a thick fog. You can’t remember simple words or phrases, and anything you say comes out a jumble. All memories are lost, even those from just 5 minutes ago. Reading, writing and having a conversation are impossible tasks. Worse still, you alternate between being unable to feel anything to feeling every emotion all at once. You lose complete control over your feelings. Your entire body and mind are no longer yours. You have lost everything that matters. Healthy people don’t realise it, but they are the luckiest people alive. I would do anything to get my health back.

I have had 7 years of my life taken away from me because of Lyme Disease. I am extremely disabled, as are many others, yet the Australian Government refuses to admit it is here. Every day that they deny its existence is another day that they make people suffer. Currently treatment is hard to find and often impossible to afford. I am unable to afford to pay for treatment that could make me better, so I am stuck in a body that feels like it is dying, whilst I reminisce about dreams that I once had. The only positive thing I can do from my bed is try to raise awareness for Lyme Disease, but I need your help. Please get the word out there about Lyme Disease, you will be helping so many who are suffering.

Lyme and Loss

Love, Alinta

3 Comments

  • Kirsten 12/05/2014 at 1:37 pm

    What a powerful and insightful piece of writing. Thankyou so much for sharing and helping to raise awareness.

  • chronicsurvivor 31/05/2014 at 10:46 pm

    “It's already bad. I'm honestly not sure how much worse it's going to get." Notice that I didn't say couldn't get worse. It can always get worse. I know this. And thus I refuse to tempt fate. Superstitious – probably. But magic exists. So does karma, and karma can be a bitch.” Life gives us what we deserve. What we can handle. What we allow it to give us.

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    I’m Alinta, an animal lover who writes reviews about cruelty free products as a distraction from my chronic illnesses. Read more…

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#heartfailure #chihuahua #rescuedog #adoptdontshop #dogsofmelbourne
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Pictures from summer. Reading on the ground with dogs is never as peaceful as it could be, but the interruptions are worth it. Also a picture of how this hairstyle looks from the back. Dress from @tasitravels. You can get it from @velvetyethical with code ALINTAVEL for 10% off. 
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#DogsandBooks #FantasyRomanceBooks #LoveAlinta
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#DogsandBooks #FantasyRomanceBooks #LoveAlinta
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#DogsandBooks #FantasyRomanceBooks #LoveAlinta
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Brands mentioned in the video include @jyelahmindandbody @paperbarklove @bush_medijina @_kykoe and @theminorityco_.
I have lists of lots of Indigenous businesses in a google doc that I intended to make into blog posts but never found the energy to do so, but it means I can point you in the right direction if you’re looking for a certain sort of business to support. Also, post your fave blak owned businesses in the comments so other can check them out. 
#naidocweek2022 #alwayswasalwayswillbe #landback #lovealinta
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Anyone who wants to buy Elate in Aus can head to the Flora and Fauna website (affiliate link on my blog). 
Also tomorrow is my birthday and a present I would love is photos of people attending the reproductive rights rally in Melbourne. Please go tomorrow, wear a mask, and take a photo of yourself and send it to me 😉 best birthday present ever. 
#elate #elatecosmetics #elatebeauty #loveelate #lovealinta
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    6/9
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#rescuedog #crutiate #crutiateligament #dogsofmelbourne #chihuahua
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    3 months ago
    View on Instagram |
    7/9
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#pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. 
#pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. 
#pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. #pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    3 months ago
    View on Instagram |
    8/9
    Plastic packaging and beauty products. What can one change do? When @trilogyproducts changed from plastic spatulas to bamboo ones, they stopped producing 208,000 plastic spatulas a year. For me, that means I now won’t be adding to my very large pile of plastic spatulas that I have accumulated over the years by using the Trilogy Replenishing Night Cream every day. No other night cream compares for me, so I’m glad I won’t add to that pile. I kept them all hoping that I would find a use for them but that has yet to happen 🤷‍♀️ A lot of beauty brands market that their plastic can be recycled, but many of those products can’t be put in curbside recycling. When they can go into the recycling bin it doesn’t mean customers are actually doing that, and even when the plastic does make it into the recycling bin, it doesn’t mean it’s actually recycled. There’s a huge amount of plastic in recycling centers that never gets made into something new. So I appreciate it when brands do make changes like this because I can see the result as a consumer. That doesn’t always mean the change is automatically better for the environment, because there’s no way of knowing if the brand uses more materials or greenhouse gases to make the new version. Beauty brands can be very cagey about their greenhouse gas emissions, particularly their scope 3 emissions. Therefore as consumers we can often only make best guesses as to which brands and products are the most sustainable choice. Changing plastic packaging is however a very obvious difference for customers, because we see the difference in where our waste goes. So as a customer I do like seeing brands moving to products that aren’t plastic, or at the very least using plastic that is easily curbside recycled. Many beauty brands have a long way to go before their products are easily recycled, but Trilogy is one of the brands who have made an effort to change this. So long story, short, I love Trilogy skincare products and appreciate that they are trying to make the brand more eco-friendly. What’s your opinion on this? Do you have a weird plastic spatula pile, or is it just me? 
#trilogy #trilogyskincare #discovertrilogy #lovealinta
    Plastic packaging and beauty products. What can one change do? When @trilogyproducts changed from plastic spatulas to bamboo ones, they stopped producing 208,000 plastic spatulas a year. For me, that means I now won’t be adding to my very large pile of plastic spatulas that I have accumulated over the years by using the Trilogy Replenishing Night Cream every day. No other night cream compares for me, so I’m glad I won’t add to that pile. I kept them all hoping that I would find a use for them but that has yet to happen 🤷‍♀️ A lot of beauty brands market that their plastic can be recycled, but many of those products can’t be put in curbside recycling. When they can go into the recycling bin it doesn’t mean customers are actually doing that, and even when the plastic does make it into the recycling bin, it doesn’t mean it’s actually recycled. There’s a huge amount of plastic in recycling centers that never gets made into something new. So I appreciate it when brands do make changes like this because I can see the result as a consumer. That doesn’t always mean the change is automatically better for the environment, because there’s no way of knowing if the brand uses more materials or greenhouse gases to make the new version. Beauty brands can be very cagey about their greenhouse gas emissions, particularly their scope 3 emissions. Therefore as consumers we can often only make best guesses as to which brands and products are the most sustainable choice. Changing plastic packaging is however a very obvious difference for customers, because we see the difference in where our waste goes. So as a customer I do like seeing brands moving to products that aren’t plastic, or at the very least using plastic that is easily curbside recycled. Many beauty brands have a long way to go before their products are easily recycled, but Trilogy is one of the brands who have made an effort to change this. So long story, short, I love Trilogy skincare products and appreciate that they are trying to make the brand more eco-friendly. What’s your opinion on this? Do you have a weird plastic spatula pile, or is it just me? #trilogy #trilogyskincare #discovertrilogy #lovealinta
    4 months ago
    View on Instagram |
    9/9

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