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A Day In The Life Of Lyme

17/06/2014

I have decided that I have to start writing notes to myself about my daily struggles with Lyme Disease. I want to remember the details of my bad days and the range of symptoms that I suffer from. My memory is bad so the only way to do that is to write it down. When a symptom eases I second guess myself and assume that I was just over-reacting. I just assume that my suffering wasn’t as bad as it really was. I want to ensure that I stay committed to the Lyme Disease Awareness campaign even if I get better. So this is a way for me to document my struggles and make sure I never forget about my fight those who are still struggling. 

The last few days and weeks, have been horrible. I usually wake up with acid in the back of my throat which means I don’t have much time to get to the toilet or a bucket before I throw up. If I’m lucky, I have time to take a fast acting nausea wafer. Even if that works, it doesn’t stop the stomach pain. My stomach muscles hurt from always contacting, and nothing helps stop that. I also wake up drenched in sweat. Every doctor I have seen knows I’m sick just by my constant fever and sweating. My body is trying hard to kill the bacteria with heat but it’s not working. This often turns into sweating with chills and severe shaking. The shaking also comes with large body jerks that feel like an electric current has been sent through my body. Then there is widespread body pain. The pain ranges widely including deep aching bone pain, throbbing muscle and tendon pain, and a burning skin sensation. There’s also headaches, teeth/jaw pain, painful muscle spasms and widespread weakness that leads to collapsing. Every part of my body is affected. My ears have ringing, my nose is overly sensitive to smell and my eyes are often too blurry to read. My whole body feels like it weighs a tonne and that my chest in particular has got bricks sitting on it, making it hard to breathe. Even if I can breathe enough, the feeling of suffocating, commonly known as air hunger, is really distressing. 
The physical symptoms only scratch the surface on bad days. I used to consider myself to be smart but now I can barely put a sentence together. I forget even the most basic words and often don’t pronounce things correctly even though I know how to. Thinking alone, is extremely hard. All thoughts and memories feel like they’re behind a thick fog and the harder I try to get to them, the further away they get.
Then there’s the emotional symptoms. My bad days consist of cycling through depression, anxiety and irritability. The hardest part is that I’m aware that I don’t feel like myself but I can’t change the feelings and reactions to people. When I’m like this I try to stay off social media because I can accidentally get angry at people, but most of my support is online, so it can be a catch 22. 

When people read about what I go through, I often have people judgementally saying “why do you paint your nails then?” or “why do you foster dogs then?” The answer to that is simple. I still deserve to enjoy life and those are the things that I get enjoyment from. I have had so many things taken away from me so I want to hold on to these, even if my energy is depleted by doing so. Fostering also gives me purpose and without that I can feel as though I have nothing to live for. Purpose and hope are what get me though the hard times. 
I hope you gain some insight into my life from these sort or posts. Just be mindful that I don’t want pity, I just want understanding and support. I have tried to remember most of what I go through on bad days but I know I have forgotten things. I have also left out some symptoms I find too embarrassing to write about. I do hope that my treatment will start to work soon and that I will be free of suffering, but Late Stage Neurological Lyme Disease is hard to conquer. Kind words of support are always appreciated and help me to stay positive. There is always hope in life x
A Day In The Life Of Lyme Disease
Things not to say to someone who is sick source

Further reading if you want to know more:
My original Lyme post:
Lyme and Loss
More Posts from me:
Worldwide Lyme Protests
Lyme/Bartonella Awareness Nails
Thank You For Understanding
Other blogs:
Inside The Mind Of A Person With Chronic Lyme Disease

Love, Alinta

6 Comments

  • skram 18/06/2014 at 12:46 am

    I'm so sorry that you're having to suffer through this- I can't begin to imagine just how exhausting it must be.
    Sending you lots of hugs as always
    Em xox

  • Jae Harrison 18/06/2014 at 9:57 am

    Oh that statement about second guessing yourself after your symptoms ease I can absolutely identify with (not from Lyme though – I have an anxiety disorder). It's such a rotten feeling – you convince yourself it can't have been that bad and then the weight of feeling disappointed in yourself sets in when instead you should be proud of yourself for being so strong.

    I have a lot of respect for you – what you're going through does not seem for the faint of heart, and with the dog fostering and raising awareness of Lyme you're doing wonderful things. I also think you write beautifully, so I hope that putting your thoughts out here helps xx

    • Alinta McMurdo 25/06/2014 at 11:31 am

      Thank you for your support Jae, I really appreciate it xx

  • Rachel Cox 05/07/2014 at 8:34 pm

    Alinta, it was like reading the inside of my own mind, reading your piece about your suffering. I wish the world was a kinder place. I wish that you could get some more relief. I hope that treatment can give you back some of what you have lost. What a torturous, hideous thing Lyme is. And so hard to get doctors to consider down in this part of the world. Your nails are gorgeous, but your soul even more so. Keep writing it out Alinta. You are beautiful.

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    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. 
#pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. 
#pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. 
#pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    With it being #pridemonth, we are going to talk about the A in LGBTQIA+ (while you look at some of my rainbow-ish nails from over the years). The A stands for Asexual, or Aromantic, or Agender,, but not Ally. Asexuals are people who don’t experience sexual attraction to others (or only do in certain circumstances, like those who are grey or demisexual). It’s a spectrum, we’re all different. Many aces still have relationships, whether romantic, sexual or queer-platonic. Asexuality is about attraction, not relationship status. Aces are frequently erased from the queer community. Last pride was particularly bad for ace erasure and hate. Aces belong in the queer community. Many aces have a hard time coming to terms with being ace in our hyper-sexualised society, and then they have to deal with erasure from their own community too. I personally would have been saved years of worrying that something was wrong with me if someone had just explained the difference between sexual and romantic attraction to me as a teen. There are so many amazing aces out there who deserve to be supported, especially by the queer community. So, don’t forget to include the A if you’re going to use the LGBTQIA+ acronym, and show for aces, whether you’re in the community or an ally. #pride #asexualpride #LGBTQIA #pridenails #rainbownails
    3 months ago
    View on Instagram |
    8/9
    Plastic packaging and beauty products. What can one change do? When @trilogyproducts changed from plastic spatulas to bamboo ones, they stopped producing 208,000 plastic spatulas a year. For me, that means I now won’t be adding to my very large pile of plastic spatulas that I have accumulated over the years by using the Trilogy Replenishing Night Cream every day. No other night cream compares for me, so I’m glad I won’t add to that pile. I kept them all hoping that I would find a use for them but that has yet to happen 🤷‍♀️ A lot of beauty brands market that their plastic can be recycled, but many of those products can’t be put in curbside recycling. When they can go into the recycling bin it doesn’t mean customers are actually doing that, and even when the plastic does make it into the recycling bin, it doesn’t mean it’s actually recycled. There’s a huge amount of plastic in recycling centers that never gets made into something new. So I appreciate it when brands do make changes like this because I can see the result as a consumer. That doesn’t always mean the change is automatically better for the environment, because there’s no way of knowing if the brand uses more materials or greenhouse gases to make the new version. Beauty brands can be very cagey about their greenhouse gas emissions, particularly their scope 3 emissions. Therefore as consumers we can often only make best guesses as to which brands and products are the most sustainable choice. Changing plastic packaging is however a very obvious difference for customers, because we see the difference in where our waste goes. So as a customer I do like seeing brands moving to products that aren’t plastic, or at the very least using plastic that is easily curbside recycled. Many beauty brands have a long way to go before their products are easily recycled, but Trilogy is one of the brands who have made an effort to change this. So long story, short, I love Trilogy skincare products and appreciate that they are trying to make the brand more eco-friendly. What’s your opinion on this? Do you have a weird plastic spatula pile, or is it just me? 
#trilogy #trilogyskincare #discovertrilogy #lovealinta
    Plastic packaging and beauty products. What can one change do? When @trilogyproducts changed from plastic spatulas to bamboo ones, they stopped producing 208,000 plastic spatulas a year. For me, that means I now won’t be adding to my very large pile of plastic spatulas that I have accumulated over the years by using the Trilogy Replenishing Night Cream every day. No other night cream compares for me, so I’m glad I won’t add to that pile. I kept them all hoping that I would find a use for them but that has yet to happen 🤷‍♀️ A lot of beauty brands market that their plastic can be recycled, but many of those products can’t be put in curbside recycling. When they can go into the recycling bin it doesn’t mean customers are actually doing that, and even when the plastic does make it into the recycling bin, it doesn’t mean it’s actually recycled. There’s a huge amount of plastic in recycling centers that never gets made into something new. So I appreciate it when brands do make changes like this because I can see the result as a consumer. That doesn’t always mean the change is automatically better for the environment, because there’s no way of knowing if the brand uses more materials or greenhouse gases to make the new version. Beauty brands can be very cagey about their greenhouse gas emissions, particularly their scope 3 emissions. Therefore as consumers we can often only make best guesses as to which brands and products are the most sustainable choice. Changing plastic packaging is however a very obvious difference for customers, because we see the difference in where our waste goes. So as a customer I do like seeing brands moving to products that aren’t plastic, or at the very least using plastic that is easily curbside recycled. Many beauty brands have a long way to go before their products are easily recycled, but Trilogy is one of the brands who have made an effort to change this. So long story, short, I love Trilogy skincare products and appreciate that they are trying to make the brand more eco-friendly. What’s your opinion on this? Do you have a weird plastic spatula pile, or is it just me? #trilogy #trilogyskincare #discovertrilogy #lovealinta
    4 months ago
    View on Instagram |
    9/9

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