The other day I hit the first rock bottom I’ve had in a while. I had tried to do some light cleaning for a rental inspection the next day. My expectations were very low, I didn’t expect to vacuum or wash floors because I knew that’s out of my reach health wise. All I wanted to do was some tidying but that became far too much for my body. My body got progressively sicker with every step I took. My rock bottom was sitting on the floor of the shower balling my eyes out. I had already spent hours between the toilet and bucket and sometimes needing to sit on the toilet with the bucket in hand. I was going between boiling hot with profuse sweating and freezing cold with violent shakes and orange and blue skin. I didn’t want to get in bed covered in sweat, so I insisted I showered, but ended up on the ground as my dizziness was so great, and body too weak to hold me up. I had so much hope and internal will but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it, my body just wouldn’t do it.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that I have gone through, and continue to go through these struggles, because they are shaping me into the person I am meant to be. I am much kinder and more compassionate now that I have suffered through these lows. I know myself far better than an average 25 year old and I know that no matter what the world throws at me, that I can get through it. I know I am strong.
If you are reading this and feeling everything that I felt a year ago, I am here to tell you that you can do it. Hope is everything to me, it has given me strength on my darkest days, and I believe hope can do that for you too. I started off with small portions of hope, like hoping that my medication would kick in and I would have some sort of relief. Slowly I was able to expand my hope and begin to hope for the next day and next week. Now I have hope for the future. I have the hope that one day I will have my degrees, have a career, a family and be able to do my part to make the world a better place.
I believe hope can do this for you too. It will not stop your suferring but it will give you a reason to fight on.
|Hope is everything|
My previous Lyme blog posts:
Lyme And Loss
A Day In The Life Of Lyme
I'm about to post to your ig. Great post here.
Thanks for reading. I haven't been on ig as often as I usually am, but will be back on there when my health picks up 🙂
What a beautifully written post Alinta. I'm fortunate enough to still be in good health at the age of 40 and it is stories like yours that remind me to appreciate my body and mind every day. I too believe that our struggles make us stronger and shape us into who we need to be here on earth. But it isn't always easy. Sending you lots of love from the other side of your beautiful planet!
Thank you Daphne, lots of love to you too x