The other day I hit the first rock bottom I’ve had in a while. I had tried to do some light cleaning for a rental inspection the next day. My expectations were very low, I didn’t expect to vacuum or wash floors because I knew that’s out of my reach health wise. All I wanted to do was some tidying but that became far too much for my body. My body got progressively sicker with every step I took. My rock bottom was sitting on the floor of the shower balling my eyes out. I had already spent hours between the toilet and bucket and sometimes needing to sit on the toilet with the bucket in hand. I was going between boiling hot with profuse sweating and freezing cold with violent shakes and orange and blue skin. I didn’t want to get in bed covered in sweat, so I insisted I showered, but ended up on the ground as my dizziness was so great, and body too weak to hold me up. I had so much hope and internal will but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it, my body just wouldn’t do it.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that I have gone through, and continue to go through these struggles, because they are shaping me into the person I am meant to be. I am much kinder and more compassionate now that I have suffered through these lows. I know myself far better than an average 25 year old and I know that no matter what the world throws at me, that I can get through it. I know I am strong.
If you are reading this and feeling everything that I felt a year ago, I am here to tell you that you can do it. Hope is everything to me, it has given me strength on my darkest days, and I believe hope can do that for you too. I started off with small portions of hope, like hoping that my medication would kick in and I would have some sort of relief. Slowly I was able to expand my hope and begin to hope for the next day and next week. Now I have hope for the future. I have the hope that one day I will have my degrees, have a career, a family and be able to do my part to make the world a better place.
I believe hope can do this for you too. It will not stop your suferring but it will give you a reason to fight on.
|Hope is everything|